The Frightening Future

I can’t believe that this is going to be my final year in college. After cruising various classes for around 3 years, now is the time for me to start writing the final output of my study which is the undergraduate thesis. Some people who are graduating way ahead of me said that writing an undergraduate thesis isn’t going to be that difficult as probably pictured. Although there may be several intervening variables that can hamper the process, up to this point that is not actually something that I am really worrying about. Instead –like probably many of those who have been in my position- the concern goes to how my life is going to be after all of this college things end.

Looking for Jobs or Continuing my Study?

Not being the son of a millionaire makes me have to exclude “getting married” as one of the options mentioned in the subtitle for now. That leaves me with two. Should I just look for the jobs or should I just continue my study? Frankly speaking, I would really love to continue my study directly after I graduate. But not as simple as choosing meals for lunch, each of these options have their own pros and cons which somehow got me thinking that there is some space inside of me that I have not been able to fulfill until now. So that can make picking one of the options be a solid leap of faith.

Pursuing a master degree would be a great choice. But what is this really going to cost me? Money? Yes, no question needed. But there’s a lot of scholarship programs out there ready to be enrolled, right?! Exactly! So what’s the problem then?

Here’s the problem in my perspective…

In my opinion, at least there are two factors we should consider in getting a scholarship. Besides having an outstanding qualification as a fresh graduate, I believe that luck also plays a role in the pursuit of the scholarship (but let’s put aside the ‘luck’ kind of thing to make this article less-superstitious to read. Besides, who’s going to rely only on it anyway). As a matter of fact, I see myself as just an ordinary qualifier that stands among those shining students. I don’t think that I can be able to translate a solid hundred percent materials I have absorbed in class to be something that I can be proud of. If there’s one thing in me that I can be proud of, maybe it is the fact that I can remember almost all Barney Stinson’s pick up lines on How I Met Your Mother. But since that’s totally irrelevant to support the purpose of me getting a scholarship, what I am right now is just a person that constantly nurtures a growing anxiety about his own future academic life.

As I try to get to myself better from time to time, I realized that I may not have a certain, specific, and deep skill on a particular field. I track back my own history of how I jumped from one to another thing just fine but never become really good in any of them. I supposed to be grateful with the idea that I am probably a jack of all trades. But in the other hand I might have to also realize that there’s an equal chance for me to be a master of none. This thought has been very annoying for some time and it is hard to be ignored.

For the mean time, I keep compensating the perspective I have with an old saying that says, “Hard work does not betray.” Even though that also leaves me with another thing in mind which I avoid to think for now. I consider everything I’ve done comes with the spirit of hard work. At least until I can perfectly measure the relativity of hard work itself in my version.

For life’s sake, grumbling feels so good!