How It Feels to be an Outlier in the Family

Image source: google images

Being the only person who studies a totally different academic field and also has some eccentric hobbies in the family is really not that easy.

As a note, no one in my family has ever formally studied political science (international relations) as I do. The spectrum of my family's academic background is quite easy to draw. If it is not from educational background, it must be from some exact sciences. At that point, you can call me as an outlier.

I did not know that until a couple years ago when I talked to my father about our (big) family. To be honest, I feel kind of excited at some levels, knowing that I will be the first bachelor of politics in the clan.

Studying international relations also gets me exposed to various different things and interests that are not commonly circulating among the family members.

Thus, sometimes it is difficult for me to introduce the things I am interested in to my family, in a sense that I never really get the excitement I have always expected.

This article will tell you some "heartbreaking" moments I have ever experienced on being an outlier in the family.

• The "try asking someone else" moment 

As a student, sometimes there are moments when we have completely no idea whatsoever about things we study at school, and maybe about things we are interested into. On those situations, what we will naturally do is to ask.

Being around the family on those situations can also be a relief for the problem. By asking the family's experiences, questions can mostly be answered. Not only that, besides giving the answer we are looking for, family will also almost certainly give us some moral support for the things we do.

In my case, the first one does not happen. Once (if not everytime) I asked my parents about the problem I encounter at school, specifically about a particular subject, I have never gotten the answer I need. The reason why it is like that, I guess, is self explanatory.

However, as a remedy for that, my parents always give me some moral support. The support that sometimes ends with an eye-opening phrase that makes me realize that nobody in my family has ever stepped on political science, "try asking someone else.."

• The "are you really into it?" moment

As said, studying political science allows me to know many things that are not commonly known in the family. 

For example, my interest on journalism and media industry are apparently seen as two strange things by my family.

The effect from such way of seeing expands as there's skepticism sometimes occurs when I seriously want to develop my interest towards those things.

It is not that they (my family) are unsupportive about it, but it is more that they are unsure whether I can be really consistent in doing things that happen to be my interest.

In my assumption, that also happens because, again, nobody in my family has the experience or record for having the same interests as I do. So, there's a kind of misgiving about me doing the wrong things.

That is all actually fine with me. Sometimes I just do not like the sense of doubt that ripples at the same time with the question of "are you really into it?"

• The "just be focus on your study" moment

It is not a secret that political science students (if not all) would need to gain some experiences outside the class, as in trying out new things and being involved in new activities.

This can get hard if we are in the situation as portrayed above.

In that situation, trying out new things can be equally hard as having "strange" interest.

First, as stated above, the family maybe is already worried about us, having the fact that they do not really know about the world we are in. Second, now we want to add that worry feeling with the "uncertain" experiment which would make them even more worried about us. 

The magical phrase my family would say to softly intercept my attempt on doing that would be presented in "...just be focus on your study now, and do those other things after you're done with it."

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After all, I understand that my family is always supportive towards the things I do and I am interested into. Sometimes it just needs better explanation for them to understand.

For those who have ever experienced the moments above, those are just the reflections that they actually concern about us.

That, in the end of the day, they do not want to see us fail.

Some Closure in 2015

2015 was the year that witnessed my step up into a whole new level of life. The year full of risks, trials, disappointment, and courage all came together in one package. Many good things happened to me along the year of 2015, at least those are enough to embrace the idea of telling less cheerful narratives that also happened during the year.   

As I said before, 2015 had me learnt bunch of life lessons which I had not had in the other years way before that. The real story of 2015 for me began in approximately 6 to 7 months before the end of the year. I remembered how those big chances I had could just easily slide away to the other hand if only I was not being insane at that time. For the first time in my life, I blatantly ignored the risks which could potentially damage things I’ve built at that moment. If I was not being like that, I would never be here right now, telling stories to people who said that they’re not lucky enough because they could not, maybe ever, have those awesome things I had experienced during the year.

2015 was also a closure for some things in my life. First of all, I stopped over panicking since I learnt how to value more on living at the present time. I eventually realized that the time and the energy I had wasted for thinking of the uncertain things were only allowing me to spread out negative vibe to other people around me. I did not want that to happen any longer, so I stopped.

Second of all, I stopped being a careless Indonesian citizen and started to put some more attention to know how my country really is. By the time I returned to Indonesia last December, I realized that I would always bear more responsibility to explain and present my own country in a correct way. If my country did wrong, I should be able to explain it why my country did so in a way that didn’t sound like a joke nor an academic blunder. And if my country did something good, I should also be able to explain it in the same manner that would make them believe that I was also part of the success.

Last of all, I stopped using my anger to express disappointment towards things that didn’t go my way. I learnt how to just leave minor traffic clashes without swearing or giving some unfriendly gestures. I learnt to be more selective on countering the arguments. And last but not least, I learnt how to forgive and let go of things that might be even the most irritating event that ever happened in 2015. I’d let them go away, and I felt better instantly afterwards.

2016 is just beginning, and I am working for the betterment.

Best Regards,

Iqbal Dwiharianto

THE STORY OF A DREAM

ANOTHER DAY OF NOTHING

The intention I had set the other night turns out to be nothing (again). I wish today my brain will start flowing some of good ideas which could possibly lead me to finish one or two procrastinated tasks, so I could breathe freely in the days ahead. Again, everything that is set on the plan does not go as well as what is expected. Some says it might be just good to cut some slack and just forget the things you are in charge for in about a little while.

Remember the old days when I think that was a good advice to take. But seriously, a person like me would take too much time only for hanging myself out on Youtube for hours and say, “I think I need some more” and some of the “I promise, this is the last one..and I’ll go to that immediately.” That is what happened everytime I become too tolerant with myself.

Yet, these days I have been also trying to spend most of my “productive” time to read some of the students essay published in e-ir.info, it’s a highly recommended site for you guys who like to read bunch of good articles and essays related with almost every topics covered in the course of international relations. So guys, you should check it out! (endorsement-free).

I sometime really wish that this life is all about doing things you like and having unlimited time to understand them without feeling afraid of being failed on anything I wanted to be. But then I think human ambition was made for us to realize that there is a right place for the right person, and to get there, we have to struggle for it. So then I write a new entry on my rusty blog (which I left for couple of weeks with completely nothing, and I am so sorry for that!), and share a story!

Human and Building, both are competing with each kinds.
(Pict. IDH)

HUNGRY FOR WORDS

I am currently so excited with writing. I don’t really care what that would be, I just really want to write things down. Remember the very first post I made for this blog, I said I wanted to be a journalist. For God sake, I am now 21 years old. Sometime I just want to ask my mom for an advice on when I should stop dreaming about what I will become and start doing it. In the age of 21, the age when you’re technically legal to do anything your parents used to forbid you to do, you will no longer thinking about what you want to be instead of start acting as it. With that being said, I do the very least thing a journalist should do which is telling his own personal life’s story.

Well, I actually write more serious things. I am always inspired with young people who already have their writings published just like in the previous site I mentioned, most of the time those people are undergraduate students just like me. But I am always impressed with the way they narrate and the essays in a way that, for me, is just magnificent. Moreover, I always get jealous everytime I see the references the cited for the essays because I was like, “geez, I wish I was a total nerd like these people.”

The problem I currently encounter is that, it is difficult to gain confidence! The confidence that will make you able to flawlessly defend the thesis and arguments you cited on it. I try to find out the way to solve this problem, and some of my good and supportive friends say that it is because I have not enough observations and data for me to hold, therefore I feel insecure about it. Well, I agree to that. Maybe that’s the problem that I need to work on. Thanks guys!


COME WITH SOME GOOD OUTPUTS!

I certainly realize that in the last entry before this one, I was quite immature as a blogger in a sense that I present something you guys would hardly understand. Maybe if there is something you could understand is the part where I was swearing and being sarcastic. I was not in a cheerful mood at the time I wrote that, and I thought that was the only way that I could transfer all of my emotional feeling without hurting any feelings directly.

I am so sorry for that! And then, I made a promise to myself that everytime I write an entry, I have to be able to come out with some sort of conclusion which I hope you guys can consider it as a form of good output from my story, and so you can also make it as a good input for you guys as the readers. In this very story, I would come out with some values that you can probably think about. First, I totally find it better to do something else that has a good value equivalent with being able to finish our assignments rather than just spending hours for watching unnecessary stuffs when we really are not in the mood of doing them. Find something that is fun. In my case, I like writing, so I write things that are less stressful but still useful.

Second, let us take our dream more seriously. This is might be the time when we should start acting as what we wanted to be. I mean, this is probably the only chance to make something we like as our primary life in the future. You guys like writing and wanted to be a journalist? Start to read and write a lot. You guys like drawing and wanted to be an artist? Go ahead drawing as much as you can before the corporate suit kills your time for doing it. Do not care about how the results will be, just keep doing it! We’ll figure out the solutions for every problems we have as we consistently get better. 


Have a good one, people! :)

The Peaceful Side of Me

source: google images

First of all, allow me to congratulate you for becoming so meaningful in my life. Now you are just like a piece of Big Mac in the last minutes of my lunch time which I really want to chew very hard. You totally own my full attention. I need to tell you something, I have collected many courage until I can finally arrive to this point, the point when I need to embarrass myself with writing a pointless story (well, actually it won’t, if only you understand English) that I need to exclusively make only to express how thankful I am for being coached by a person like you on how to hold the desire of saying any direct offensive words or gestures which, of course, a person like you will not be able to accept once I produce it. I feel sorry to myself, but this is the only way I can substitute my desire of doing such things.  

I have been trying to understand the fact that we are coming from two different sources that would also certainly distinguish and explain the gap between us in the end of the day. I have been trying to understand that coming all the way from a wrecked place to a concrete jungle is not an easy task for you to do alone. Just to make you noticed, I have tried to understand you up to that point with all of my innocent sincerity.

I have been trying to swallow everything and not giving a single comment on things I do not like, so that you can just keep saying and doing things you like without feeling any hesitation at all. It was, at first, totally acceptable for me to do all those things at once, since I was thinking that you will do the same thing for me. But I see you are going slightly off limits and start feeding me back with your ignorant jokes instead.

Talking about the way we contextualize the logic that each of us possess towards the daily interaction, of course I could not blame you for only having such a low capability of processing. I know that it is just in the right portion you can possibly contain. Moreover, I guess you do not really need it to be any higher too, because the universe seems to conspire that you are only allowed to interact with those who have same level of capability so you can have a solid pathetic team forever. See, I am still putting my best effort to understand you up to that point.

I do not want to be a person who likes to take things seriously, but this time I really need to empower you to experience the next level of life and let you see yourself from my point of view, so you won’t be surprised if one of these days you will have people like me (or worse) shouting words that might make your mind blows right at your beautiful face, because you are just magnificent with every single flaws you have.

I choose this way because I think this is the best way for both of us to really engage with each other. I do not want to show my offensive manner to you, because it will waste much of energy only to talk to a person like you. Yet, I am sure you will not be feeling offended anyway, because you will not give a single damn to the words I made due to the incapability of your brain. So please understand it.

Those are my messages to you. I do not expect you to understand, since I do not want you to get tired only to understand them. I know you need to allocate your energy as much as possible for your efforts on reducing the peer pressure that you could not barely handle, so do not feel burdened. I will do my best to always understand.